Not-so-bad Karma

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On the weekend I evicted a big brute of a Huntsman Spider from our house.

She’d been free-ranging about the place for over a week, during which I resisted the primeval urge to squish the spider with a rolled up newspaper (or whatever was the primeval equivalent of such implement).

Such an action, I’ve been assured, would result in Bad Karma.

In all likelihood I’d be reincarnated as a big brute of a huntsman spider, destined to be squished with a rolled up newspaper for trespassing human habitation. Upon which, as recompense for my arthropodic martyrdom, I'd come back as an arachnophobic human. And the cycle would continue in perpetuity with the thwack! thwack! thwack! of newspaper crunching exoskeleton ringing through eternity.

So, to beat this rap I determined to await an opportune time and place to evict the brute from the premises without causing undue harm to a fellow creature. Lo and at last, my chance presented when I spied her skulking on the ceiling near the front door.

I rushed back from the hall closet wielding a broom, particularly selected for the softness of its bristles, so as to occasion minimal violence on our unwelcome guest.

I have to report that ‘guiding’ an obstinate arachnid through a door with a broom is not as easy as it might sound. The brute first ended up on the floor, then in an eight-legged flurry dashed underneath the hallstand, from where she had to be ‘coaxed’ out. Finally, with a deft flick of the broom handle, she was ejected onto the front porch from whence she eight-legged it into the garden — somewhat shaken, but intact!

I related the above to our office guru, who informed me to my great relief that, yes, I’ve averted the Bad Karma of coming back as a big brute of a huntsman spider... but it’s possible I may come back as a broom.

Karma sucks!

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A spot of LHC bashing

The recently commissioned Large Hadron Collider has been temporarily shut down due to a technical problem.

Some of the magnets used to direct beams of particles around the collider have over-heated, just over a week after the facility was switched on with a great fanfare.

One hopes this thing, which cost $10 billion, isn’t going to turn into the most expensive lemon of all time.

But aside from any qualms one might have about the LHC’s technical reliability, there are deeper philosophical considerations we should be examining.

The machine is intended to recreate, on albeit a far smaller scale, the conditions that obtained within a few nanoseconds of the Big Bang.

But what then? Will humanity then clamour for even Bigger and Better Bangs for their megabucks? Where will it all end?

UPDATE

Doomsday machine malfunction opens fairly largish beer window

The end of the world has been set back further, because the $10 billion Large Hadron Collider “will be down for two months as a section will have to be repaired because of a fault.”

Bummer! So, what will you do with this reprieve-time, eh?

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Interstellar war imminent

It’s astonishing, but there’s not been a murmur of protest over this:

The Beatles song Across The Universe will be the first song to be beamed directly into space, NASA has announced.

And yet, surely Led Zeppelin fans would far rather that Stairway to Heaven was beamed into the interstellar reaches to represent our species. And don’t James Blunt fans have anything to say?

But not surprisingly...

The Beatle Sir Paul McCartney said it was an “amazing” achievement and John Lennon’s widow, Yoko Ono, has called it the “beginning of a new age”.

Well, yes... It could ignite an interstellar war if the lyrics of the song are mistranslated. We could look up one day to find a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at a single word of command from the leader of the Vl’Hurgs, as he challenges we Earthlings to take back what we said about his mother.

NASA will this week beam the song via its Deep Space Network (that’s the one the Republicans keep threatening to make pay its own way with commercial advertisements). What’s more...

At exactly the same time, fans across the world are being asked to play Across The Universe in a bid to “create a harmonic convergence” around planet earth and throughout the universe.

They stop short of claiming such a “harmonic convergence” will solve greenhouse and ring in universal peace and understanding.

But, hey, this could just work! Please start churning out the Beatles’ Across the Universe on your CD players and iPods immediately, because it’s a happening thing.

Get with the vibe and do it now!!!

Elsewhere, Caz over at avatar briefs gives us an idea of the odds of Across the Universe reaching the ears (or whatever auditory sense organs may obtain) of advanced aliens.

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The wonder lives yet

As Chrissy Hinde Oscar Wilde said, we are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

For those of the latter ilk, this week has delivered at least a couple of treats.

Meteor shower to brighten night skies

Stargazers have the chance to spot a meteor shower in the skies tonight.

If the clouds hold off, the annual Geminids meteor shower will be visible to the naked eye from about midnight until dawn.

And it isn’t even Meteorite Monday (remember that?).

Also, Phillip Adams on Late Night Live interviews the esteemed Ann Druyan, co-author with (and widow of) the esteemed Carl Sagan. You can download and hear the podcast from here.

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