Friday, December 15, 2006

Bonus Gag for Goat Friday

A young brunette goes into the doctor’s surgery and tells him that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes on her elbow and screams in agony. She then pushes on her knee and screams; pushes on her ankle and screams...

And so it goes. No matter where she touches, her agony is apparent.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette, are you? You’re really a blonde.”

She sheepishly admits that she’s really a blonde.

“I thought so,” the doctor says. “Madam, your finger is broken.”

(via email)

Apologies in advance to brunettes, medical practitioners, blondes, sheep, and sufferers of painful, debilitating injuries or disorders.

Goat Friday


Grand Theft Goat

From the Borneo Bulletin, the following report:

Two locals were fined and jailed after pleading guilty to stealing a goat before the Bandar Magistrate’s Court yesterday.

Mohd Nazri bin Siahat, 22, was fined $1,500 or jail for two months in default and 24-year-old Sahari bin Piut was sent to jail for three months after both defendants admitted to stealing a goat from Syarikat Hussyn Rahman at Ladang Betumpu in Kg Masin on the night of October 3.

The defendants fled with the goat inside their car and later sold it ...

Serious consequences indeed for a hot goat that the pair sold for $100, yielding them a cool $50 each. Sadly, the Butch’n’Sundance of Borneo’s goat-underworld have learned to their terrible cost that life in the fast lane has a serious down-side.

The bold heist was detected even after the pair had craftily ‘re-birthed’ the goat, by respraying and rebadging it with a counterfeit ear tag, and a forged bell around its neck.

Beyond the screaming headlines in the Borneo Bulletin, public interest in the case underscores the serious problem of organised goat-theft rings in the province, which has led to a boom in sales of anti-theft goat-locking devices.

Such is the hysteria engendered by the case that it’s rumoured to have inspired a leading Borneowood studio to fast-track production of a gripping, if rather derivative, action-drama tentatively titled Goat in 60 Seconds.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

marvellous melbourne

image by jacob

We’d watch the bushfire haze over the skyline,
Shrug and think... this is Australia

Monday, December 11, 2006

Monster birth born out of disaster

Let’s face it. Far from being a unified plan for turning around the disaster of Iraq, the Iraq Study Group Report is a desperate grab-bag of possible solutions, any of which may or may not be effective.

For example, under Recommendation 62 we read:

Protective measures could include a program to improve pipeline security by paying local tribes solely on the basis of throughput (rather than fixed amounts).

This is an interesting short-term part-solution to a specific problem (security of oil supplies), and one that laudably addresses the realities on the ground largely neglected by the war ‘planners’ — in this instance, of the tribal divisions in Iraq.

In the longer term, however, this measure would do nothing to foster sorely needed national unity. Rather, it aims to exploit those divisions, effectively encouraging and rewarding them.

The most immediate problem for the US, of course, is its military involvement in the mire of Iraqi sectarian warfare: In short, the problem of how to get the hell out with its honour, credibility and strategic interests intact.

Greg Palast has taken a dim view of the ISG’s recommendations. Just on one angle:

Keeping 140,000 troops in Iraq is a disaster getting more disastrous. The Baker Boys’ idea: cut the disaster in half — leave 70,000 troops there.

And so on.

If the US and her allies were hoping for a magic fix out of the ISG Report, the reality is that it presents no such thing. President Bush, perhaps for his own political and pragmatic reasons, has distanced his administration from the Report’s ‘findings’.

The only hope may be for some smart operator in the administration to cherry pick the best of the Recommendations, and apply them judiciously to minimise the damage to US interests and prestige. Other than that, a pull-out — precipitate or not — could well be unavoidable.