Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Not-so-bad Karma

On the weekend I evicted a big brute of a Huntsman Spider from our house.

She’d been free-ranging about the place for over a week, during which I resisted the primeval urge to squish the spider with a rolled up newspaper (or whatever was the primeval equivalent of such implement).

Such an action, I’ve been assured, would result in Bad Karma.

In all likelihood I’d be reincarnated as a big brute of a huntsman spider, destined to be squished with a rolled up newspaper for trespassing human habitation. Upon which, as recompense for my arthropodic martyrdom, I'd come back as an arachnophobic human. And the cycle would continue in perpetuity with the thwack! thwack! thwack! of newspaper crunching exoskeleton ringing through eternity.

So, to beat this rap I determined to await an opportune time and place to evict the brute from the premises without causing undue harm to a fellow creature. Lo and at last, my chance presented when I spied her skulking on the ceiling near the front door.

I rushed back from the hall closet wielding a broom, particularly selected for the softness of its bristles, so as to occasion minimal violence on our unwelcome guest.

I have to report that ‘guiding’ an obstinate arachnid through a door with a broom is not as easy as it might sound. The brute first ended up on the floor, then in an eight-legged flurry dashed underneath the hallstand, from where she had to be ‘coaxed’ out. Finally, with a deft flick of the broom handle, she was ejected onto the front porch from whence she eight-legged it into the garden — somewhat shaken, but intact!

I related the above to our office guru, who informed me to my great relief that, yes, I’ve averted the Bad Karma of coming back as a big brute of a huntsman spider... but it’s possible I may come back as a broom.

Karma sucks!

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Anonymous Craig W said...

We have several huntsman living in our house. They dont really bother me, though we have the occasional one that freaks my wife out and i get asked to remove those ones. There is no need for a broom, I just put my hand in front and they run on to it and you can take them outside. I had one run up my sleeve one time I did that - a little bit tricky to extricate myself from that!
We also had a lovely Red Back living in our kitchen window. She was a very decent size indeed and we would catch the occasional fly for her. I cant imagine that made the fly happy though. She vanished one day last week and we found that she had decided to move locations. At that point I decided that the big outdoors was a better spot for a large Red Back and released her outside.

No, I did not use my hand for that.


PS How is Father Park going?

15/4/10 3:21 PM  
Anonymous Jacob said...

In principle I quite like spiders, it's just the physical manifestations that I have a bit of a phobia about.

Good decision about the Red Back. You wouldn't want her camping on the toilet seat, where you wouldn't see her in the dark, but boy...

Among their more endearing habits, they devour their mate after, sometimes during, copulation. Apparently it's not unknown for males to carry on with a goodly portion of their body mass already consumed. I guess the female knows to leave the naughty bits for last.

Have you had an opportunity to observe those tender moments?

Haven't heard from the Padre for rather a while. Must drop him a line...

16/4/10 9:17 PM  
Blogger Father Park said...

A mate of mine was bitten on the gonads some years back whilst bush camping. The offended part of the gonads, used to expansion, did what it does naturally. A mad rush to the nearest casualty ward resulted in the obligotory "what's the matter?" The resultant explanation produced peals of laughter and a prognosis that, given the antivene, the poison would be neutralised and the swelling reduced.

The nurse did, though, have to ask whether the appendage might be better left with the swelling...

22/4/10 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Jacob said...

That might be stretching things a bit.

22/4/10 1:10 PM  

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