Saturday, May 29, 2010

Andrew Bolt’s lost post

The following is a post Andrew Bolt had apparently “dopped” but which has somehow been leaked to this blog:

In a rare moment of honest reflection, I thought I might take some time out to thank people like Jacob of the AppliedH blog for holding up to scrutiny some of my more deranged output.

For instance, most recently Jacob exposed my shonky claim that Kevin Rudd “gave aid to Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe.”

None of you, my faithful readers, challenged me on this, and I thought I’d gotten clean away with it until, with jaw agape, I read Jacob’s searing critique on his blog (which I secretly, and with trepidation, read daily).

By the way, even if one of you had challenged me on that barefaced lie, a retraction and apology would of course always be out of the question. On my blog you’ll never read anything like: “Thanks to reader Joe Bloggs for pointing out my gaping error.” It just wouldn’t gell with the flow of my obvious genius.

Despite myself, I have to admit that in my frenzies I do tend to tear apart anything to hand that represents restraint, order or the related discipline of reason. I just can’t help myself, so it’s important that people like Jacob are out there, somewhere, calling me to account on this rubbish you all devour so willingly. But fortunately for me, AppliedH is Australia’s least-read blog.

To my legions of readers who’ve helped make my blog “Australia’s most-read political blog,” I’d like to try to tell you how very sorry I am for having sucked you all in with my manic bids for more attention, cash and power.

Here goes. The fact is I’m not very sorry at all. You’ve only yourselves to blame for falling for the heady brew of lies, half-truths and populist cant that I retail here so shamelessly. Truly it’s said that there’s one born every minute, and boy have I struck the mother lode.

I’d like to be able to tell you I will delete my blog and somehow earn myself an honest living, but even I have to acknowledge the bleeding obvious fact that I’m simply not capable of it.

Thanks Andy, I’m genuinely touched.

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Anonymous Harry Heidelberg said...

Andrew Bolt is to you what the Education Department is to Jolanda Challita. Now I check your blog merely for the pure joy of seeing a manic obsession play itself out. With Jolanda I look to see what bad things the dreaded "Department" did today. With you it's all about what "Bolt" did today and a regular reference to pant wetting. You have now even graduated to the thing about records being changed. Next you'll be banging on about a journalism opportunity class you missed out on and how it's all Bolt's fault.

My only wish is that Andrew Bolt would go on the Insiders more often and would fight with David Marr like he used to. The Insiders has become increasingly boring with less Bolt and Marr type interactions. It's now like some mother's playgroup with all these bored mothers sitting around nodding and agreeing with each other. There is zero fire or passion in it. SO BORING. It's all from the left with lots of nodding and little conjecture or serious, real world analysis. The lack of an incisive, insightful Bolt on Insiders has brought the show down from something sort of interesting to something quite boring. To make politics in Australia today quite boring takes quite an effort.... but that's what you get when you grab a bunch of leftie women and create some Sunday morning mothers group atmosphere where they all nod in agreement as if at a pathetic leftie writers festival. Even when Bolt has appeared recently he appears less fun than he used to be.

So Insiders has become a socialist, Cassidy, leading a bunch of pathetic cardigan wearing nodders

I want more of Andrew being Andrew and less of all this other nonsense.

I also want you to continue your obsession.

30/5/10 3:43 PM  
Anonymous Jacob said...

Glad to entertain, Harry, but Bolt is proving to be so predictable and boring I'll probably have to get another 'obsession'.

The secret to the complex relationship between me and Bolt is that we were actually conjoined twins. But whereas he got most of the gall, I got most of the brains.

Now I think of it, he's my younger conjoined twin by about two years, which is pretty neat.

He's actually been on Insiders every other week for at least the last month or more. Two Sundays ago he was a ring-in for someone who'd cancelled. Naturally he was amenable to more attention, cash, etc., doing his usual talking over people and micromanaging. Cassidy tries to avoid having he and Marr on together because they behave so much like bickering children. I know you want more of the Andrew nonsense, but Harry he's a busy boy.

I've been watching, hoping he'd do something outrageous like use that line about "Rudd's aid to Mugabe" and be laughed off. But obviously he never would, he seems to reserve most of that kind of extremo stuff for the suckers on his blog.

30/5/10 8:34 PM  

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