Goat Friday of the Full Moon

image source www.manband-archive.com

Yes, today in Australia it is Goat Friday of the Full Moon, a relatively rare occurrence. (Go here to verify whether it’s the full moon in your part of the world.)

Roughly similar to lycanthropy, human beings are prone to capranthropy on any Goat Friday, particularly if it coincides with the phase of the full moon. Manifestations begin from simply ‘acting the goat’, progressing through relatively harmless expressions such as bleeting at the full moon, or inexplicable cravings for raw dandelion shoots.

In rare cases, particularly on Goat Friday of the Full Moon, the sufferer spontaneously sprouts a goaty beard and horns, cloven hooves for feet, not to mention a rather fetching fluffy tail.

Then there are the more extreme behavioural manifestations. For example, if your prize rhododendrom bush appears to be half-eaten on the morning after a Goat Friday of the Full Moon, chances are that one of your neighbours is a capranthrope.

o_O_o

Meanwhile, from the Google Goat News Feed this week, I note sadly yet another sorry tail tale of goat abuse. This latest case is not from some third world backwater, but from the most advanced nation on the planet.

In the well-known township of Mahopac in supposedly civilised New York State, USA ...

Drew A. Gagnon is accused of breaking into a barn on Croton Falls Road on Nov. 23 and spraying three goats in their genital area with orange construction-style paint. He also was accused of leaving on the barn floor pornographic magazines, which sickened the goats after they ate them, police said.

That final detail about the magazines just underlines the depravity of this evil-doer. He could at least have left clean magazines in the barn, like Harpers Bazaar or Vanity Fair.

Nevertheless, the unfortunate goats seem to have recovered well from their ordeal:

The Fiero family, which owns the goats and considers them as beloved family pets, said today the animals were doing well and that evidence of the orange paint had all but disappeared in the more than two months since the spraying.

I’m feeling a bit better now.

And no, this was not a case of capranthropy. It was neither Goat Friday nor Full Moon on November 23 last year, when the execrable Mr Gagnon did his dastardly deeds. And anyway, a capranthrope just wouldn’t do that sort of thing to a fellow goat.