Feral feline dream cuisine

photoshoppery by jacob

Pictured above is a mock-up of a product I’d like to see on the shelves of our local supermarket. Okay, let me explain...

Several years ago our much-loved family dog passed away. (And Honey, we miss you; and we’re being goo-oo-ood...)

Sometime after, our freshly canine-free backyard was colonised by a stray cat. A fearful, fearsome, feral bitch of an animal, it seemed to live on mice, carrion, and particularly the cockroaches and crickets it hunted with lethal efficiency.

Fatefully, we felt sorry for the poor animal, and introduced it to more conventional, commercially-available fare. But however sated with the modern nutritional products of a consumer civilisation, the Bitch was still partial to the entymological pickings out in the backyard.

At first, it refused to allow us near it. Then, after a month or two of laying on the free chow, it allowed us near enough for it to lash out at us with its vicious, retractile claws.

I began to suspect that this was the little savage’s perverse way of acknowledging us as fellow beings. After receiving a few deft but harmless swats in return, the Bitch somehow seemed to get the idea that such expressions of fellowship were not appreciated.

By a year or so later, the Bitch surprised us – and perhaps itself – by allowing us to stroke it. Perhaps something like tenderness visited the Bitch’s universe for the first time since kittenhood.

Now, going on eight years after it chanced into our lives, the Bitch remains queen of its almost exclusive dominion, our backyard, often to be seen preying on hapless cockroaches and crickets, to this day a prized delicacy.

I should point out that the Bitch is not, and never will be, a house cat. Because of my tolerance and occasional indulgence, I’ve been very inaccurately and unfairly labeled a cat person; however, I’ve steadfastly refused to have the Bitch in the house.

Readers will perhaps be pleased to note also that this animal does not prey on birds. It’s not uncommon to see the Bitch sprawled out in the back lawn, with native doves, blackbirds, and other fowl of the air gamboling unconcernedly and unregarded nearby.

I suspect the idiot has relegated our feathered friends to the too-hard basket (in part, because it seems to be half blind). And indeed – why bother? – when the delights of phylum Arthropoda are such ready and easy prey for this seasoned insectivore.

 
NOTICE
Whiskas^® is a registered trademark of Masterfoods Australia New Zealand. No adverse reflection on the content or nutritional characteristics of Masterfoods Australia New Zealand pet and other food products is implied or intended by the author. The accompanying graphic content is reproduced under fair use provisions of applicable copyright laws and is just a joke, folks. The author further acknowledges that the Whiskas Colour Purple is a trademark.